I always wanted to be a dad.
When I finally became one, it was truly the greatest feeling in the world. My two little ones have changed the way I view everything in life.
But they also make getting things done really f’n hard.
While I’m a dad first, I’m also a CMO focused on building a world-class fitness brand. I enjoy working out, writing, reading, learning no code, making pizzas, playing basketball & tennis, going for long bike rides, the list goes on.
While most books and articles on the topic of productivity are great, it always feels like they’re written by people with no kids. Most of the advice doesn’t apply.
Becoming a parent will dramatically impact your ability to get things done and I want to share some things I’ve learned about productivity after becoming a dad.
Side note – I’ve only been a dad for 3 years so I’m still figuring this stuff out. My hope is you’ll find something here that will improve your own fatherly productivity.
You must give up some things (for now)
Unfortunately, becoming a dad doesn’t mean you get an extra four hours added to your daily bucket. You’ve still got the same 24 you’ve always had.
That means there’s less time for everything else you want to do.
I’m a big fan of the Burner Theory concept. It’s this idea that your life can be represented by four burners where each burner is a major quadrant of your life – work, family, friends, health. You cannot have all burners running on max at all times, so you have to pick and choose where you want to apply your fuel.
We go through periods where some burners are turned to the max while others are turned way down. When I became a dad, my family burner got turned way up while others, like my friendships, needed to get turned down.
With two little ones at home and a wife that needs my help, I can’t just jet off for a 3 hour bike ride and epic tennis match with my friends anymore like I used.
This is really important because it’s very easy to feel guilt and even resentment for not being able to do some of the things you enjoyed doing. Understanding the Burner Theory relieves you of that guilt.
You’ll need to figure out burner you’re OK with dialing down a little bit (or all the way). For some it may be their work. For others, it’s friends. Pro tip – I don’t recommend sacrificing your health bucket. You’ll need that one.
And remember the ‘for now’ part – just because you need to give up some of these things right now doesn’t mean you won’t be able to do them ever again.
You need a routine
Although I’ve thrived on a routine well before fatherhood, having kids has really highlighted the importance of having structure in your life.
While I’m far from perfect, I feel my routine has allowed me to stay on top of things even with the (massive) addition of parental responsibilities.
I wake up and go to bed at the same time every day.
I work out at the same time every day.
I start and end work at the same time every day.
I (try to) put the kids to sleep at the same time every night.
A routine gives you a sense of control at a time when it feels like you have very little. With a routine, you can organize yourself to have the time you need for the important things in life you want to keep doing.
Figure out the routine that works for you and stick to it.
You need some ‘me time’
There are only a handful of periods in the day where you can get quality ‘me’ time for yourself, but you must find yours or you’ll go absolutely nuts.
For me, early morning time is my ‘me time’. Here’s what my routine looks like:
- Wake up between 5:45AM and 6AM
- Drink a full bottle of water
- Work out or go for a walk and do my mobility series
- Make a coffee and sit down to write or read
- At 7:15AM +/- 15 minutes I get my little ones out of bed to start the day
That 1-1.5ish hour block in the morning is my time to do everything I want to do. If I don’t get my workout done in that block, forget about it.
Pro tip – make sure you’re using this ‘me time’ for your most important activities like working out, self development, catching up with friends and family, etc. Don’t waste this time browsing TikTok videos (although that can be fun too).
You have to be flexible (and patient)
Just because you planned everything out carefully and put it in your calendar doesn’t mean it’s going to happen. Kids don’t give a crap about your calendar.
Here’s what happens every now and then –
I finished my workout, made my double espresso, and opened my laptop to write. Just as I start typing I hear my daughter calling for me at 6:45AM.
Clearly she didn’t get the memo about my morning me time.
So I take a breath, close my laptop, bring my coffee, and help her get ready for her day. I know not every morning will be perfect and that’s perfectly cool. There will be other opportunities.
With kids, I quickly came to the realization that I wouldn’t be able to do things as quickly as I once used to.
Before kids I could sit down and write an article in one session. Now I’m writing one article over the course of two weeks because all I could squeeze in was 15 minutes of writing per day.
At first I hated that, but patience is a virtue. I’d rather write in pieces than not write at all.
You have to find your little pockets
With kids, you’re operating on razor thin timelines. They’re unpredictable at best so you can never fully expect things to go as you planned.
Personally, I’ve found you really have to maximize your opportunities. You have to be ready to make use of any pockets of time you get. If my daughter goes to nap and my wife is playing with our son, I’ll use that opportunity to catch up on some reading or writing. If my wife says she’s taking the kids to the mall, I’m already thinking about what I can use that time for.
Be prepared for any pocket of time that comes your way.
You need to compartmentalize
If you’ve got stuff going on at work, your business, or in your personal life (of course you do), it’s easy for your mind to wander when it shouldn’t be.
This has been a difficult one for me and I’m always working on improving.
If I’m working, I need to focus on working. If I’m with my kids, I need to focus on my kids. That means not thinking about the project I need to deliver or the campaign I need to launch or the personnel issue I need to resolve or how I’m two weeks overdue on a publishing an article.
No matter how hard I try, my mind still wanders. But I can now catch myself. I’m more aware of it happening and can snap myself back to being present.
It’s a never-ending battle.
Pro tip – whatever you do, don’t have your phone with you when you’re with your kids. The temptation is way too hard to fight (in my experience).
You should look for multi-win scenarios
As a parent, I’m always on the lookout for how to be more efficient with my time and create multi-win scenarios for everyone in the family.
Here’s an example:
I love walking – it’s great exercise and helps me clear my head (or catch up on podcasts). Before kids I would get out all the time and cover serious ground.
With kids, I can’t just go strolling around on my own anytime I want to (unless it’s during ‘me’ time). Instead, I’ll now put my kids in the double stroller and head out for a long walk together. This does three things:
- It gets me my exercise
- It gives me an opportunity to spend time with my kids
- It gives my wife a break
A clear win-win-win situation.
I also think about how I can stack activities. Typically I’ll look to pair low focus activities with high focus activities. So I’ll listen to an audiobook while washing dishes in the evening, for instance.
There are all sorts of combinations you can come up with, but the idea is to proactively think about how you can create multi-win scenarios and stack activities to get more done.
Pro tip – be mindful of how you’re stacking your activities. Don’t try to listen to an audiobook or process emails while you should be focusing on your kids. Revisit the lesson on compartmentalization.
You must be in alignment with your partner
Let me be clear: my wife is a superhero and I’m certain I would not get anything meaningful done without her. She’s my cheat code.
Having a great mom/partner is the key dad productivity hack.
My wife and I are in alignment (most of the time). She knows my morning time is my time and she’ll do whatever she can to help me protect it. I know she needs her own time and we plan for that. She knows that when I’m working (at home) I need my space to focus (my 3yr old doesn’t get it yet). I know she’s exhausted at the end of the day so I’ll cook dinner and clean up the apartment in the evening.
If you want to get things done, you need a plan and you need to tackle it together. That’s the way we’ve been able to make it work.
Final Notes
Becoming a dad has been one of the greatest things to ever happen to me. It’s changed the way I view the world and forced me to be a better human being.
It has also forced me to revisit the systems I use to get things done.
I’m a dad first and always will be, but it’s important to me that some of the other important areas in my life don’t take a hit – my health, my relationship with my wife, my career, my passions. Achieving this is no easy feat, but it’s important to find a system that works for you – a system that allows you to stay in control.
With three years of fatherhood under my belt, I still feel like I’m figuring things out. Each day my kids bring something new to the table which keeps me on my toes and I love that.
I hope you can pull some inspiration from this post to make your own fatherhood (or motherhood) a little more productive.
✌
